So, I decided to write a casual blog …

Image result for fear of failure

Recently, my students read Paulo Coelho’s “The Alchemist” for their class novel.  In talking about the book, I began to remember my dream from childhood.  It’s not that I really forgot my dream, it’s just I let it get dusty because I am afraid.  Fear is the thing that is holding me back – really nothing else, fear and time.  I wanted to be a writer when I was a kid – even before I could read and write, I wanted to write books.  There, I’ve said it, it’s out there and I won’t take it back.  I want to write and not just that, I’d like it if people actually read what I wrote.

So, what to write? I don’t want to get too personal, just want to start writing for now.  I was thinking I could do holidays – that only requires a once a month commitment – but then I missed April Fool’s Day, Easter, and May day – I totally did research for them, just didn’t get the writing out.  I did exactly what I told my students not to do – I got started, I got fired up but I let it fizzle with my inner doubts.  Why write this? No one will read it and my time can be better spent ______ fill in the blank (cleaning, studying, playing with the kids, learning guitar).  This time, I’m not going to worry who will read this because I just want to write.  This is not polished (obviously) and may be a bit unclear but that is my process – get it out there and then make it better in a future version and look back at this to see how far I have come 😉 hopefully, right?  Oh, and I did manage to get a piece out for St. Patrick’s Day – I think I called it snakes and clovers – something like that – it’s here on this site if you’re interested.

Writing this made me think of where I am right now in my life and it sort of scares me.  I am in transition – more specifically, I am in the conclusion phase of much of my life.  My three long years of monthly trips to school are over with my trip next month and I will have time off until I start my dissertation writing in the fall.  My students are in the midst of finals and I won’t be working for about five weeks.  My son will be starting school in August (AUGUST 1st!!).  I even realized that I am ending my training at the gym in two weeks.

What will I do with myself?  I’m not sure exactly but I’m planning on going inward. I will focus on my home, my family, and myself.  I plan to sleep in late (or at least lay in bed late), play with the kids, plant a garden, make my husband smile, and practice my guitar.  It’s not that I will have nothing to do, I just won’t have anything scheduled.  Like I told my brother, I am incredibly busy doing nothing all the time.  And hopefully, I will also do some writing – something besides the two papers due for my classes 😉

As always – I thrive off of feedback so I would love to get some comments on this or any of my writing.

One thought on “So, I decided to write a casual blog …

  1. You are doing excellent things and in doing so you are mentoring others on the right to evolve and disclose. Thank you for sharing your life curiosities and your quest for truth. Much already learned and much yet to know. 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s