Recently, my students read Paulo Coelho’s “The Alchemist” for their class novel. In talking about the book, I began to remember my dream from childhood. It’s not that I really forgot my dream, it’s just I let it get dusty because I am afraid. Fear is the thing that is holding me back – really nothing else, fear and time. I wanted to be a writer when I was a kid – even before I could read and write, I wanted to write books. There, I’ve said it, it’s out there and I won’t take it back. I want to write and not just that, I’d like it if people actually read what I wrote.
So, what to write? I don’t want to get too personal, just want to start writing for now. I was thinking I could do holidays – that only requires a once a month commitment – but then I missed April Fool’s Day, Easter, and May day – I totally did research for them, just didn’t get the writing out. I did exactly what I told my students not to do – I got started, I got fired up but I let it fizzle with my inner doubts. Why write this? No one will read it and my time can be better spent ______ fill in the blank (cleaning, studying, playing with the kids, learning guitar). This time, I’m not going to worry who will read this because I just want to write. This is not polished (obviously) and may be a bit unclear but that is my process – get it out there and then make it better in a future version and look back at this to see how far I have come 😉 hopefully, right? Oh, and I did manage to get a piece out for St. Patrick’s Day – I think I called it snakes and clovers – something like that – it’s here on this site if you’re interested.
Writing this made me think of where I am right now in my life and it sort of scares me. I am in transition – more specifically, I am in the conclusion phase of much of my life. My three long years of monthly trips to school are over with my trip next month and I will have time off until I start my dissertation writing in the fall. My students are in the midst of finals and I won’t be working for about five weeks. My son will be starting school in August (AUGUST 1st!!). I even realized that I am ending my training at the gym in two weeks.
What will I do with myself? I’m not sure exactly but I’m planning on going inward. I will focus on my home, my family, and myself. I plan to sleep in late (or at least lay in bed late), play with the kids, plant a garden, make my husband smile, and practice my guitar. It’s not that I will have nothing to do, I just won’t have anything scheduled. Like I told my brother, I am incredibly busy doing nothing all the time. And hopefully, I will also do some writing – something besides the two papers due for my classes 😉
As always – I thrive off of feedback so I would love to get some comments on this or any of my writing.